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700 Billion Dollar Bailouts Made Simple/ The Economy According to Tone Tank

September 26th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

There are nine zeros in a billion.
There are eleven in 700,000,000,000.

I never really took the time to think about that before this week.

There’s been a lot of talk about this 700B. The point of this 700B is
to buy distressed mortgages. Terms like ‘mortgage-backed securities’
and ‘credit-default swaps’ have been thrown around a lot lately, and
I figured maybe I should try to look into it all, maybe see what all
the banter was about, and try to figure out what this whole situation
means to a person like myself.

In case you’ve been in a padded cell or on an Indian ‘vision quest’
for the past week or so, The Financial World, Wall Street, is aflame
and is looking for our tax dollars (well yours) to put it out. By put
it out I mean give 700B to the very same companies,system, and ideals
that got us into this mess in the first place with all their bang bang,
shoot em up risky investing. All of that, just to carry on the way
it’s been carrying on for as long as I’ve been paying attention, which
is about probably as long as you have been paying attention.

Since this writing is to determine what all of this means to a person
like me, let me rewind a bit and tell you a little bit about the
person most like myself, me.

Ever since I was a child I would walk through the Financial District
of New York City, where the monstrous architecture would make me feel
small. I remember thinking that a regular person could work their
whole life away and still never be able to afford a broom closet in
one of these places. Not that that I wanted to purchase a broom
closet, I just noted that no matter how hard I worked I would never be
able to afford one in one of these buildings. They had an air about
them, like as if perhaps the tops of these buildings throned the Gods,
or Giants, or Giant Gods. They were monuments to powerful men in gray
suits, that would make decisions about things a simple person like me
or you need never understand. It made me feel unimportant and simple.

Maybe they count on that. Maybe they count on confusing us with big
words and buildings, making us feel small, and unimportant until we
figure that we are just simple-minded people and are probably better
leaving these big decisions to the better equipped men of Wall Street.

I don’t claim to be an expert on the economy, but isn’t it our blind
faith in Wall Street, Big Business, and the Trickle Down Theory that
got us into this mess in the first place? We’ve trusted that the men
down on Wall Street have had our best interests in mind…as if it went
without saying. No we haven’t, but our actions say that we have. We
have become dependent upon Big Business. We fear Big Business. We even
worship Big Business and it’s Trickle down Theories. So when they stop
‘trickling’ you stop drinking, so when there’s a talk of a drought you
start panicking and buy into it like war fever.

Now, the thing that grabbed my interest the most about this situation
was hearing an economist on the radio freaking out saying if we don’t
come to the aide of these companies and restore the economy that
people, nor companies will be able to borrow, money and will only be
spending cash as opposed to credit. He said that if it got bad enough
people may even resort to bartering. That’s where my ears perked up.
My credit’s fucked anyway. I’m lucky I’m able to get a library card. I
actually don’t believe in paying back loans to big companies. This
goes for Credit Cards, Student Loans, or any other kind of loan. I
believe in borrowing as much as possible from these bastards and then
disappearing into the night like a hooker who’s john fell asleep with
his wallet on the dresser. These people are in the business of
investment. Sometimes investments don’t pan out, It’s part of the
business. An evil business at that. Ever wonder why they can charge as
much as they do for a house? Credit. They couldn’t charge what they’re
charging without it.

So I say let those monsters come crashing down. Let’s see what happens. I
bet one of those devils alone has enough meat to feed the nation for a
pigs age. It would leave a lot of room for the little guy to set up
shop. Not in the modern sense, like with business presentations,loans
and charts, but simpler like, “You have that, I want that.I have this,
you want this. Let’s trade.”

So what does this mean to a person like me?

Nothing. During The Great Depression the people who jumped from the
ledges of buildings were stockbrokers. Who lost millions. On paper.

I never had millions and I deal with cash anyway. I like cash. It’s
old fashioned like making a deal and shaking on it. No paperwork, no
fine print. It means a lot of people will be running around, talking about the
economy, the way they talk about bad weather or global warming, because
credit, which represents dollars, which represents silver and gold is
in jeopardy of being carried out of here like your crazy old senile
grandmother.

-TONE TANK for Borough President

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Chances With Pamphlets

September 11th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

I wrote a ~~book~~ pamphlet.

It’s not real. It’s all made up.

I made it with my bare hands.

It costs three dollars. If you know me in real life and you see me on the street or something I will just give you one. But you should give me three dollars anyway. Because It’s only three dollars.

If you would like one and you don’t know me personally, you can either order one through paypal (see below) or you can just put three dollar bills and two un-used first class united states postal stamps into an envelope and send it to:

J. Cox
455 9th street
Brooklyn, NY 11215

I prefer this method because you can really just put three dollar bills in the mail, drop it in a mailbox. You can do that. And it’s only three dollars. you got that. And I will send you this beautiful hand-made art pamphlet I made .

(make sure to include your return address)

or you can just paypal:

-KRAY

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Espo exhibit out in Coney Island…..

August 17th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

I was just out in CI today and saw this…….. It has a little soda-machine-type-dollar-bill-accepting-thingy that you put a dollar in and then the lights go on and it shows you the ‘waterboarding’ torture… i mean interrogation technique which was approved for the CIA to use down in Guantanamo Bay by the United States Justice Department….. it was also used back during the Spanish Inquisition.

-also if you look real closely at the shot where the last old man is talking you could see 3 squares which are actually SCUMLIFE posters from this summer’s Scumstravaganza……. Next summer be ready for Scummer-JAM….
_TONE

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DANGERMEL’S CINEMA THEATRE!! DON’T CALL ME

August 12th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED SOMETHING. I’VE BEEN BUSY WITH WORKING , DRINKING , AND MOVING. PLEASE DON’T CALL MY HOUSE ANYMORE , I MOVED INTO A LOFT AND HAVE NO PHONE!!

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Scumstravaganza Scumlife Summer Release Party Footage…..

June 24th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

Good looking out to Trevz and Texas from The New Pop for coming out to shoot this video and for sticking with us through the monsoons that the gods sent to punish me for all the dumb shit I did in my past life. (”If it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have no luck at all”) All in all it was a dope time…. some real rock-n-roll, rain-or-shine shenanigans…. Big up to Activator, Chin Chin, Mikey Palms, Kool Kear, Peelander-Z, The Dugout, my Nuk Family boys and most of all the die-hard crowd who manned (or womanned) the elements. Enjoy!

And damn! Before watching this video I never fully realized how much of an ape I was.
_TONE

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A Fistful of Awesome- by Tone Tank

June 19th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

A couple weeks back my lady put ‘King of Kong, A Fistful of Quarters’ onto our Netflix que. To be honest with you, when it came I wasn’t that psyched to watch it. I thought, “How interesting could a movie about a bunch of guys playing Donkey Kong be?” Five minutes into it I was hooked. Once I saw what a prick the quasi-mullet having current-coward-champion Billy Mitchell was and how he was denying the loveable, everyman Steve Weibe his shot at the title, I realized this was more than a documentary about a video game. There was a plot, a story with a hero and a villain, a bully and an underdog.

This film is the ‘Style Wars’ of Donkey Kong, if not all video games. There are a lot of parallels. In ‘Style Wars’ the bully was Cap. He too had a haircut that was made fun of (”this guy named Cap, with his Lucille Ball hairdo”). But the similarities between Cap and Billy end there, cause Cap was a true bad-ass villian, who left us many quoteables. Billy Mitchell is a bitch-ass-little punk who deserves to have his manhood taken at more than just Donkey Kong. Pause. Actually, nah, no pause.

Anyway, I’m not here to talk about Cap or Billy Mitchell. I’m not even here to talk about Steve Weibe. Nope, today I’m here to talk about Roy Schildt aka Mr Awesome, Billy Mitchell’s original arch nemesis. And after watching Roy’s video I realized that, if anyone was to take Billy Mitchell’s manhood at more than just Donkey Kong, it would be Roy Schildt aka Mr. Awesome.

Also, if anyone has any luck finding his book, ‘Mr. Awesome, The Comic Book Life of Roy Schildt”, hit me up because I want a copy. Thus far, I don’t see any proof of it actually existing anywhere.

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DANGER MEL’S CINEMA THEATER-OIL WRESTLING

June 04th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

THIS IS FOR ALL YOU WANNABE M.M.A FIGHTER TUFFGUYS.BEFORE THERE WAS UFC , THERE WAS TURKISH OIL WRESTLING!!
I JUST BOUGHT A BARREL OF BERTOLLI AND I’M TAKING ON ALL CHALLENGERS , OLDSCHOOL STYLE!!
I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE GRAPE , GIRLYMAN!!
-MELVIN DANGER

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DangerMel’s CinemaTheater- The Turkish Rambo

June 01st, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

HEY EVERYONE, I’M MELVIN DANGER, FULL TIME UNION MAN,PARTIME BLACKOUT DRINKER, AND THE NEWEST WRITER FOR SCUMLIFE.COM!! TONE WAS IMPRESSED WITH MY KNOWLEDGE OF WEIRD FOREIGN, BORDERLINE GAY MOVIES AND ASKED ME TO SHARE IT WITH THE REST OF YOU. SO THIS IS THE FIRST OF MANY CLASSIC MOVIES FROM THE MOTHERLAND! ENJOY!

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Murphy Lee in the Pit Tee

April 26th, 2008 | Category: ScumLife

So our friend Kangsta @ 99 Sense had made us aware of Murphy Lee rocking the Pitbull V2 Tee in the New Nelly video Party People featuring Fergie. Murphy Lee always flexing his Scumlife as seen here as well. Shouts to Kangsta and Murphy Lee in conjunction on this one.

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